Appreciation

It's a shame that for most of us, the one event that brings all the people who knew us, many from thousands of miles away, to share what they love and appreciate about us, the stories they remember about us, what made them laugh, cry, think, grow – is our memorial service. Often, we don’t tell people what we love and appreciate about them, maybe because we think that, of course, they know – they don’t need to be told – or because we worry that they might think it’s phony or done with ulterior motives. And on the flip side, when we are given genuine appreciation by others, we often don’t receive it well, deflecting it or diminishing it when all that was needed is a simple, “thank you”.

I remember a memorial service for a neighbor who had died in the prime of his university career. Before the service, my main thought about him was that he was a grumpy loner and not very sociable. The day of his memorial, the university auditorium was filled with hundreds of people: friends, students and colleagues. More than a few students and colleagues spoke about how his teaching and mentoring had changed their lives. I was very moved, and as I listened, I realized how little I knew about him and was a little ashamed for having made such broad assumptions about the kind of person he was. I wondered how many of his students and colleagues had told him while he was alive what they so eloquently expressed at his memorial.

Most of us grow up with subtle and not-so-subtle cultural messages that discourage saying something positive about someone else and when someone says something nice to us, their praise is often difficult to accept. We might think, “they are just saying that to make me feel good” or “I wonder what they want from me?” Compounding this is not wanting to appear vain, so we might qualify or even deny the truth of a positive observation. Conversely, when we observe something positive about someone else, we often don’t share it with them, for fear that it might make them or us feel uncomfortable, or that they might think we have ulterior motives.

Included below is "All the Good Things", a poignant and inspiring story about the magic and power of appreciation.

Videos and Readings for this module

© 2015 Palouse Mindfulness Inc.