The point of Tara's videos is not that we should always have our "hands off the controls", but that there are times it feels like we should be taking control, when the most effective strategy might be letting go. Of course, knowing when to let go is not always easy. As the serenity prayer says: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

But, there are other times when taking action is necessary, such as when we need to protect ourselves or someone else. What does "acceptance" or "non-striving” mean in these cases?

Few people question the mindfulness concept of “acceptance and non-striving” when external demands on them are minimal. In these situations the simple recipe for joy and contentment works: focus on the present moment, and don’t get lost in rehashing the past or worrying about the future. Much of mindfulness training is learning how to achieve this, how to “be here now.” But “acceptance and non-striving” becomes more challenging when we’re confronted with a serious difficulty or dilemma that seems to demand action. When action is called for, there are three choices:

[ Thanks to Liv Downing for the inspiration for this illustration and for many of the quotes and references on this page. ]

In short, "Acceptance" or "Non-Striving” does not imply passivity or inaction. There is a Chinese term, “wu wei”, which literally means “non-doing”, but in Taoist philosophy, "wu wei" can be intensely active. In this state, action flows effortlessly, naturally and spontaneously from a place of inner stillness and in perfect alignment with body, mind, heart, and spirit. This is "non-striving" in motion.

For a fuller explanation, see Acceptance / Non-Striving.

    So, let me be really clear, from the perspective of mindfulness, acceptance is not: giving up or giving in, dropping your standards, liking everything, tolerating injustice; acceptance is: seeing things as they are..., waking up to the reality of our situation, a skill we can develop, easier with practice.
           - from Acceptance is not giving up, it is waking up by Liv Downing

    Someone asked me, “Aren’t you worried about the state of the world?” I allowed myself to breathe and then I said, “What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is filled with anxiety, you will get sick, and you will not be able to help.”
    Yes, there is tremendous suffering all over the world, but knowing this need not paralyze us. If we practice mindful breathing, mindful walking, mindful sitting, and working in mindfulness, we can try our best to help.
           - from Thich Nhat Hanh's Facebook page

    Compassion in action is paradoxical and mysterious. It is absolute yet continually changing. It accepts that everything is happening exactly as it [is], and it works with a full-hearted commitment to change. It sets goals but knows that the process is all there is. It is joyful in the midst of suffering and hopeful in the face of overwhelming odds. It is simple in a world of complexity and confusion. It is done for others, but it nurtures the self. It shields in order to be strong. It intends to eliminate suffering, knowing that suffering is limitless. It is action arising from emptiness.
           - from Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush

    In meditation, we have a practice that quiets the mind, even in the midst of a fight, and allows us to see situations with clarity, as they truly are. Meditation is more than a mere respite; it truly is practice for everyday life. We start on the cushion, observing our thoughts and sitting with them to understand how they are poisoned by our own delusions. We then carry those meditative techniques into daily living so we can act with greater clarity and compassion.
           - from "Don't Just Sit There, Act!" by Andy Hoover, Sep 2019 issue of Lion's Roar

    In my early 20s, at my quarter-life crisis, I read “You can Heal Your Life” by the wonderful Louise Hay. To be honest, my life wasn’t sick and really didn’t need healing, but I was not happy and felt a sense that something was missing. So, I studiously did the daily affirmations in front of the mirror. I would stand in front of the mirror and recite “I love and approve of myself” daily, for months. I imagined the life I wanted to be living, but it continued to feel artificial, as though I was forcing something. Then in my early 30s and, having abandoned positive thinking and affirmations as hippy dippy stuff that doesn’t work, I threw myself wholeheartedly into the idea that actually, we don’t have to “do” anything. I went from one extreme to the other! I now worked with acceptance (still getting the hang of this one) and non-judgement (always a work in progress) and spent many hours observing my thoughts and emotions, without doing anything in particular about them; all in the name of building my self-awareness. Then one day, this process of non-doing backfired. I had stopped actually listening to my intuition, my values and my heart and was just coasting along in a never-ending haze of acceptance.
    As it turns out, we need both. We need both intention and attention. It is helpful to have a clear view of where we are going and what really matters (intention) but we also really need to stop and reflect on where we are first (attention). If all we do is manifest – we are never truly happy now, if all we do is sit contentedly in the now without assessment – how do we really grow?
           - from It's Both by Liv Downing