“What you feed will grow.” Shauna Shapiro’s statement during Week 1 Body Scan sticks out to me like a sore thumb. During the first week, I wasn’t aware of how negativity can be reinforced just by the way in which I perceive it. Stress will continue to grow if I let it get the best of a situation which in turn will be fed with other negative thoughts. One negative thought can start a barrage of other negative thoughts until negativity becomes the root while stress, anxiety, and depression become the leaves. At the beginning of the course, I meticulously planned to use Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction to enhance my goals to bringing awareness of my identity, concentrate on less negative things, dealing with stress within positive limitations, and experience less Psychogenic Non- Epileptic Seizures. I am astounded by how much growth has taken place.
Before taking MBSR I was bed-ridden due to acute seizures caused from high amounts of stress, depression and anxiety. I was unable to read, write, or comprehend materials at the level I had before. I struggled and have now been struggling with this mental illness for over a year. I was 3 classes away from getting my college degree when my life took a turn for what I thought was the worst. My therapist Elizabeth White from “The Well Counseling and Consulting Group of Indianapolis,” suggested that I get involved in a class that would help reduce my stress, anxiety and depression level. When first searching for a class I was pessimistic, hopeless, and insecure about what I would learn. There were times that I didn’t want to log on at all. To my surprise, in the first week of class I recognized a huge shift in my abilities to complete tasks and comprehend material. I wasn’t aware of the Body Scan meditation practice and now it's the one I love the most.
Body scanning simply put is paying attention to with that body is saying non-judgmentally. Having been so busy for the majority of my life, I rarely took the time to pay attention to what my body was saying mindfully. There were times I noticed that my feet where swelling or my breath was shallow but didn’t practice simple awareness of what my body was saying so I was able to live my best life and not over extend myself. Body Scan, Mindful Eating, and Soften, Soothe, and Allow are my best mediation practices.
The first day of Soften, Soothe, and Allow I cried hysterically. It was like I had so many hidden emotions that I had been hiding inside for a long time. I was very judgmental and didn’t feel justified to have frustrating or sad moments. I never took the time to soothe myself. I wanted everyone else to soften, soothe, and allow because I wasn’t equipped with the tools to overcome it. After practicing week 5, I found myself loving myself and didn’t feel so weak about expressing my pain. It was very hard at first yet exhilarating! It was challenging to get through my tears and pain but with practice it became easier. I learned so much valuable information from this course.
When asked if I learned anything from Palouse online MBSR course I would give a resounding yes! I am much more loving towards myself and others, compassionate, aware, and most importantly, less stressed about life’s ups and downs. I also have had a huge decrease in seizure activity. When I feel one coming on I am quickly aware of it and use one of the practiced meditations. Thanks a lot for this course. It has gone a long way for me.
- Angelica A.
"Letter of Learning"
from Angelica A. in Indiana
