I discovered incredible resources within that are available when I am present to whatever is there in my life. I am slowly starting to accept that it’s OK to feel any feelings. I still have the tendency to define them as good/bad, pleasant/unpleasant, I am afraid of some feelings. But more and more often I see that I want to get rid of the feelings that I don’t like, and sometimes I fight these feelings, and then I suddenly remember to stop, breathe and observe. I practice STOP or RAIN. Sometimes these feelings go away, sometimes they persist. In any case, I feel that small moments of awareness appear in my life more often.
Mindful yoga opened new dimensions of my yoga practice; it helped shift my attention from achievement to feeling my body, its needs and limitations today. Body scan (when I don’t fall asleep :-)) brings attention to each and every part and revitalizes my body.
I discovered the power of self-compassion and kindness. It is such a relief. It is full of acceptance and peace. It helps let go of fears, let the results be as they are, control less and feel more calmness and joy. Kindness helped me accept myself and people around, establish deeper connection, listen more mindfully and let the world be as it is. I became a little less anxious and a little more confident and connected to the truth inside.
But as we know, everything is changing. Sometimes I forget all about mindfulness, I feel tired and angry. It is very hard to be with that and to keep practicing when nothing seems right, when I feel hopeless. In these moments I am still trying to look deep inside, to ask myself: Why am I doing this? Why am I meditating? I feel doubt; it doesn’t seem to work for me. In such moments group meditations in Mindful Harlem (http://mindfulharlem.com) helped me a lot. They do sitting, mindful walking, body scan and sharing. I shared my doubts and fears and received generous support. That’s when I realized the power of intention. I got a feeling that mindfulness is changing the very foundation of my life, it is the most important thing that I can do for myself. For that I need a lot of patience and kindness. All the science behind mindfulness that I learned during 8 weeks inspires and supports me along the way.
For me, formal practice is very important. My informal practice depends on the formal one. Sitting meditation is my investigation and a quiet place just for me; it helps me remember to be mindful in my daily life. So, I’m going to do 15-30 minutes sitting meditation every day, yoga a few times a week and group meditations from time to time. I practice informally whenever I remember to do so. Simple awareness makes my life so much more colorful and full. I enjoy mindful walking in the nature. I’m going to continue using online resources: videos, articles, guided meditations. There is so much more to discover!
I really learned and practiced a lot. I don’t know if I managed to cover it all on this page. But if I had to sum up what I have learned in one word it would be kindness.
- Katya K.
"Letter of Learning"
from Katya K. in Russia
