When I first began this course, I felt lost – desperate even – to feel connected and present in my everyday life. I felt that I had been floating through hours, days, weeks, months, years, without truly experiencing the full emotion and substance of each moment. I felt like I was watching my life drift past me; like I was watching a movie of my life and not really participating in it.
My wedding was approaching and I was to be married to the most wonderful man and the love of my life. My biggest concern and anxiety was not the color of my bridesmaids’ dresses, the catering, or whether it would rain that day (or the fact that I was getting married!). My biggest concern was whether I would stay present – or if this would be another significant moment that I would not know how to mentally participate in. When my wedding day came, I actively attempted to stay present and to be mindful of each moment. To remember each touch, laugh, loving gaze. The smell and briskness of the spring rain, the sound of the grass brushing against the hem of my dress, the warmth of my new husband’s hand holding mine. I realized after that day that my mind and body connection and the intentionality of my focus had transformed me from a helpless bystander to an active participant.
Since taking this course, I have learned to embrace and participate in the present. This includes the wonderful, simple, beautiful moments of every day. This also includes the messy, sad, and dark parts of life as well. I have craved to feel and to be present and the last eight weeks have been the fullest, most fully experienced days of my entire life. I am indebted to the power and awakened knowledge of the mind-body connection and learning to challenge and discipline myself in a new way has given me the confidence and abilities to go forward.
I have learned to love myself, despite my current circumstances, and my compassion for self and others increases with every meditation. I feel connected – to myself, to others, to life itself – in a way that I have not experienced before. With this, I have attained a new confidence and sureness that comes with savoring each day and capturing every moment. I have the ability to revel in a wonderful experience, but also the increasing ability to better cope and accept the emotions that come with terrible experiences. My anxiety has decreased. I sleep better. I am more optimistic and accepting of myself. I laugh longer. I love others better. The skills taught in this course have unveiled to me all that our short lives have to offer.
Going forward, I will strive to continue to incorporate some sort of practice into my daily life. I currently “settle” at the end of each day with 15-30 minutes of intentional mindfulness. This sometimes takes the form of yoga, guided practice, or mindful breathing. If I skip a few days, I notice. My mind is stressed, my body fatigued. It is a gentle, but stern reminder of the necessity I am now aware of. My mind and body need intentional rest, care, and compassion. I have starved myself of this for so many years and am grateful that I am equipped to continue this practice long after the duration of this course.
- Chelci S.
"Letter of Learning"
from Chelci S. in California
